Movie #38 of 2026:
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
Jack Sparrow was the major breakout character of the original Pirates of the Caribbean film, and whether rightly or not, it’s clear that Disney doesn’t believe the resulting franchise could work without him. Hence this sequel to the initial trilogy, which cuts loose nearly all the previous characters save the swaggering captain, his first mate Gibbs, his rival Barbossa, and a couple random British officers (plus another cameo from Keith Richards). Freed from the old plot baggage, it’s a much leaner feature than any of its predecessors, although it still runs to well over two hours.
The problem is that Sparrow was never designed to be a protagonist figure instead of a provocative chaos agent, and the script struggles to center him accordingly. He’s too tricky an individual for full audience investment, and he also faces the challenge seen during the rare episodes of Doctor Who where the Time Lord travels without a companion of having no one around to monologue the necessary exposition at. Penélope Cruz as a femme fatale and Ian McShane as the legendary Blackbeard — given magic powers for some reason — help enliven the project to some extent, but it still feels like it’s floundering in the absence of a Will or Elizabeth to ground our perspective.
The story logic continues to be an issue for this series as well. Blackbeard is a fearsome tyrant who press-gangs when he can’t recruit enough willing sailors, so why does Angelica have to pretend to be Jack in order to sign people up for their crew? Why does she accept being marooned at the end, when she has a gun and he doesn’t have any of his own weapons to compel her? Why do any of these lowlifes trust anyone else after all the repeated backstabbings? Why does a life-extending ritual at the Fountain of Youth require a mermaid’s tear and two specific cups from Ponce de León? And so on.
The movie is best enjoyed if you don’t let yourself think too hard about any of that, and it’s admittedly still better than At World’s End even if you do. But it’s a goofy affair with zany cartoon physics governing the antihero’s various action sequences, and the directing is too fond of its needlessly dramatic identity reveals. The defendant in the hood is Jack Sparrow! No, it’s Gibbs! But Sparrow is the judge! And this mysterious privateer is Barbossa! And Jack’s offscreen savior is his father Captain Teague! And this shadowy person pretending to be him is a woman! And all of that within the first half-hour, mind you.
There’s also a dull romantic subplot between a captured mermaid and a generic-looking white guy whom I already can’t picture despite having just finished watching this. Their connection is premised on little more than happenstance proximity and presumably a studio executive note somewhere.
I know I’m being harsh, and this really isn’t such a bad mindless swashbuckling fantasy adventure. But did it need to be made for any reason beyond continuing to monetize the IP?
[Content warning for gun violence and gore.]
★★★☆☆
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