
Book #43 of 2023:
What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD and Oprah Winfrey
A difficult but insightful read, with lots of detailed discussion about early childhood traumas, including the specific situations of kids who witnessed or experienced sexual abuse and graphic violence. As a parent of young children, I am particularly struck by the research on how important even the first few months of life can be at building up either positive or negative associations in a child’s mind, and how those can subconsciously affect us across the rest of our days. While this is not a parenting guide, I suspect it’s going to lead me to be more mindful in my interactions with my little ones and the behaviors I model around them.
The chapters on PTSD and other trauma responses, along with potential strategies for reducing their strength over a person, are also quite interesting, as are the writers’ observations about the inherently traumatic nature of existing as a member of a marginalized group within a society, which both feeds into and is reinforced by systemic issues like racism. (Not that it will traumatize everyone who grows up in such a social environment, just that the conditions are there and a detectable correlation in outcomes exists.) And while Oprah primarily functions in her usual role as interviewer for her expert coauthor Dr. Perry, the moments when she shares memoir-like passages about her own traumatic upbringing are deeply affecting.
I’m less sold on the end of the book, which shifts its focus to individual alienation and the supposed perils of digital communication platforms over face-to-face contact. That’s a topic I’m personally skeptical about and used to study academically in grad school, and without launching into a full-blown thesis paper in this review, I would say that the situation is far more nuanced and conditional than these authors make it out to be. (Surprise surprise, it matters much more what kinds of interactions you’re having, and with whom and how regularly, than the medium in which all that occurs.) It doesn’t escape me that Winfrey and Perry are both in their late 60s, and thus come at modern technology from a very different perspective than someone of my own generation or younger. To throw their own words about shifting mores back at them with only the word ‘young’ changed, “This is not to say that [older] people are bad or worse, but it’s a clear example of how our life experiences shape us; what happens to you matters, and we all reflect to some degree the relational attributes of our family, community, and culture.”
My gripes about that section aside, this seems like a valuable text for most readers, whether you carry any significant personal trauma yourself or not. I give it three-and-a-half stars, rounded up.
★★★★☆
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